Things I Googled While Writing Big Boned
Warning: Includes oversharing, Oreo math, and thigh monologues.
When people find out you wrote a book, they ask questions like:
“Was it hard?”
“Did it take a long time?”
“Is it, like, about you?”
No one ever asks what you Googled at 2am while crying into a bowl of cereal and trying to figure out if naming your eating disorder makes you sound unhinged or just self-aware enough to get a publishing deal.
So this post is for that.
Big Boned may be part memoir, part self-help — but behind every poignant paragraph was a moment of pure “what even is this??” chaos. Here’s a non-exhaustive list of actual things I asked ChatGPT, or Google, or my therapist (sorry), while writing this book:
🧠 Things I Absolutely, Definitely Googled:
"What does it mean if you're always hungry but also never hungry?"
(This might’ve been spiritual.)
"Do people still say 'big-boned' or is that just my Aunt Sharon?"
Unclear. Either way, we’re reclaiming it.
"Why do I feel fat when I’m full?"
A classic mid-writing spiral moment. 10/10 recommend writing through it.
"Can you name an eating disorder Ed and still be taken seriously?"
Spoiler: yes. And Ed is officially in the acknowledgments section — along with my rage.
"Is a donut a meal if you eat it with intention?"
I mean… yes? Also: why are we still doing this?
"How do you write about your body without sounding like a women's magazine from 1998?"
This one took actual effort. No “tighten your core” tips were harmed in the making of this book.
"Is it trauma if it’s funny?"
I didn’t like the answer. I kept writing anyway.
"Would it be weird to include a chapter that’s just a letter to my thighs?"
Not only did I include it, I almost made it the whole second act.
"What’s a non-triggering way to talk about weight without ignoring it entirely?"
Still working on this one, honestly. Because ignoring it doesn’t help. But obsessing doesn’t either. Welcome to the gray.
"How many F-bombs are too many in a book about recovery?"
Answer: TBD. But I stand by every single one of them.
"Can I say ‘binge’ if I’m not talking about Netflix?"
The nuance. The guilt. The tension. The truth. (I said it anyway.)
"What is the average calorie content of a teenage girl’s shame?"
That one might’ve been a joke… but also, maybe not.
What This Really Means
If you’ve ever felt weird Googling something during your healing journey… I promise I’ve already Googled weirder. And probably asked ChatGPT about it. Twice. Big Boned isn’t polished. It’s not a how-to. It’s a me too. It’s the book I needed when I was trying to make sense of the noise — in my head, in my jeans, in my church, in the cafeteria. And if you read it, and you see yourself in it, and it makes you feel a little less alone? Then every 2am Google spiral was worth it.
xo, Lauren
